Okay, I'm nuts. Get over it.

Something happened the other day that illustrates some of the small difficulties in putting up with someone whose brain works the way mine does. It’s no secret that I’m “hyper-linear” and overly literal but it crops up in strange and often amusing ways. You see, there’s a commercial running on the radio that starts out “Men, are you having trouble urinating? Going more frequently? Waking up at night to urinate?” and then it goes on to promote a pill that will solve these problems. My response was, to me, perfectly reasonable. I looked to my good lady wife and said, “Why would anyone want to buy a pill that makes you wet the bed?”

She gave me a look. Not the dreaded The Look but a look, one of the useful stock that she keeps just for me. This was the look that says “Are you really that dumb or are you teasing me?” and, as always, the answer is “Yes, he’s that dumb.” She then proceeds to explain to me that this is a pill to reduce prostate swelling and that idea is the pill stops waking up by removing the need, not making you wet the bed. I’m quick to defend myself by pointing out that my interpretation is quite logical and my lovely bride is nice enough to concede that the commercial could have been phrased better.

The ugly fact is, this kind of thing is much more common than it should be. I’m sure neurotypicals will be quick to point out that the problem is in my mental function but I reject this explanation. Word mean thing and should be used with precision. (Although I will concede, sometimes the needle in my mental record jumps the groove.)