Quantum Irrationality (100th post)

Quantum Irrationality

I’ve seen such a plethora of new-age-hippie-self-help-guru-pat-the-bunny-fuzzy-logic pap that tries to combine the old “rub your tantric chakras together for fun and profit” with a scientific patina of “deliberately misunderstand Quantum Mechanics and Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle” that I decided I should get in on the gravy train before the rubes got a clue and it was time for the charlatans to go on the lam (fat chance of that). Look for me on Oprah soon!

The underlying premise of these books is to take a really weak understanding of Quantum Physics and apply it to philosophy (preferably, a pet philosophy you already have lying around and like to use to impress the dames). So, without further ado, I present to you:

Quantum Irrationality, a New Breakthrough in the Study of the Mind and Retroactive Self-Justification

As we all know, Heisenberg worked with the Ancient Maya developed what is now commonly called the Uncertainty Principle. This principle states, in essence, that the act of observing an object alters the properties of said object. Specifically, observing position alters velocity, observing velocity alters location, and in a stunning revelation location is roughly interchangeable with position so long as the switch is not observed. The Secret Government does not want you to have this information but, these rediscoveries of ancient Lemurian truths are not just applicable to mechanistic objects but to your daily life. Quantum Irrationality (QI) can enhance your spiritual well-being and lead you to a higher understanding of the world around and into an advanced state of mental awareness. In addition, this final step in the evolution of the human consciousness will also guarantee you financial prosperity, less stress, regular and fulfilling bowel movements, and mind-blowing multi-orgasmic sex. [Warning: Repeated applications of multi-orgasmic sex may result in accidental tantric trans-dimensional translation.]

Chances are, you have already experienced QI in your own life. It is common knowledge that the more people you have looking for an object, the faster it can be found—frequently in a location you have already searched. This is because when you, as a singular observer, attempted to discern the position of the object, by observing it, you altered its velocity thereby causing it to move away from your gaze. But when multiple observers were employed, the overlapping field of energies generated by the group synchronicity created a pattern of “strange attractors” that glued the lost object into place. Once you understand, it’s that easy. With an understanding of QI supplemented by the liberal application of herbal attenuators, the key to the mysteries of the universe are yours to command.

The most significant recent development in the study of QI was the discovery in the Fifty-Second Veda of the Eddaic Groomba of Bohr that since observation alters, it is possible to become aware of the properties of an object by a studied program of apathy. If one does not care about the properties of an object, eventually one of these datum, either location or velocity, will project itself into your conscious or subconscious mind—an “end-around” of the Uncertainty Principle! Think, in your own life, how often have you been sitting in the comfortable Zen bliss of mindless television-based meditation when suddenly you “remember” that you have a tasty piece of chocolate cake just sitting in the refrigerator? This is Bohr’s Apathy and QI at work. Sadly, once you remember the cake, you become interested in its location and are doomed therefore to impart it with velocity thereby making it impossible to actually find the cake when you look for it but this is a minor detail that later QI studies will most certainly hammer out (another good reason to subscribe to our QI newsletter).

You have probably noticed that the longer you stare at an attractive member of the opposite sex, the faster they move away from you. You’ve been making a classic QI mistake in your approach to mating. By observing position, you have imparted velocity. Now that you know better, employ the reverse. Grab him or her and impart a velocity (such as toward your waiting van in the parking lot) and you will have achieved control over position! Further in you have equipped your transcendence van with a GPS monitor, the Global Positioning System will constantly observe your position, imparting additional velocity to your van when the Secret Government attempts to intervene in your attempts to initiate your new acolyte into the mysteries of Quantum Irrationality.

Though we can’t give away the entire secrets of Atlantis, Lemuria, and New Jersey blindly on the internet, we can, through covert hints with shady characters and a six-figure book deal eventually lead you to a full understanding of QI. But time is short, the world will end in November of 2012. (You may have heard that the actual date predicted by the Maya is in December but this is disinformation propagated by the military-industrial complex to prevent public panic before their own operatives can use the wonders of QI to frame the new coming world-age into their own twisted image. Don’t be fooled.)

Not since ancient astronauts brought the technology of “chittlings” (know to the ancient Aztecs as Citlz), has a discovery offered such potential for abuse and profit. The ability to force world peace and impose your mental dominion over the planet to bring about freedom via the alignment of your chakras and your happy benevolent thoughts of tolerance of all non-intolerable beliefs lies within your grasp.

To save the future, you must act now, flooding the newly-founded QI Institute for Unlimited Internet and Television Appearances and a Big Fat Book Deal with money and support! QIIUIT (ABFBD) needs your help.

ConspiriThursday

Conspiracy Notes:
Disclaimer: The following information is presented for consideration only. The author assumes no exclusive responsibility for the accuracy of the information (although the attempt has been made to be wholly factual). Unless expressly stated, the author does not necessarily agree with the conclusions implied by the data presented. In other words, this stuff is for you to look at and start researching yourself if it strikes a cord. Don't blame us for what you find, don't assume we mean everything we bring up for consideration, and don't take our word as a final authority. We're talking about conspiracies here; we just might lie.

Welcome to the world of Jude St. James...

(I recently used this bit of research in an article I wrote so I thought I'd share the entire block of info here)

Garduna

In 710 A.D. (aprox.) the hermit Apollinario received a vision of the Blessed Virgin, naming him savior of Spain and commanding him to drive the Moors from the land. As a surety, she gave him a button from the robe of Christ. Convinced, Apollinario formed the Garduna, a sacred army to combat the Moor. One of the unique aspects of this army was the belief that they had a special commission which absolved them of all sin so long as it was committed only against non-Christians. In effect, the Moors found themselves facing an guerrilla army of Holy terrorists.

They failed and the Garduna slowly degenerated into a criminal network, one that still held to the refusal to shed Christian blood. By the fifteenth century, the Garduna had all but faded into history before they were revitalized by Ferdinand V. The king summoned the surviving leaders of the Garduna, unleashing them in the service of the Inquisition, this time not only their sins forgiven but their crimes pardoned by the king. In 1670, the Inquisition withdrew their support of the Garduna but by then the groups power was secure.

During the eighteenth century, they repealed the prohibition against injuring Christians and became truly mercenary, selling their criminal services. Finally, in 1822, the Garduna Grand Master of Seville was arrested and, along with 16 other leaders, publicly hung.

Most historians consider that the end of the Garduna but, during the Spanish Civil War, the Garduna battle cry of "Remember the Virgin of Cordoval" resurfaced and it now seems reasonable to assume the Garduna still exist.

ConspiriThursday

(Con report or not, I'm not missing a ConspiriThursday! I love the way the Thin Man's brain works--or doesn't.)

Conspiracy Notes:
Disclaimer: The following information is presented for consideration only. The author assumes no exclusive responsibility for the accuracy of the information (although the attempt has been made to be wholly factual). Unless expressly stated, the author does not necessarily agree with the conclusions implied by the data presented. In other words, this stuff is for you to look at and start researching yourself if it strikes a cord. Don't blame us for what you find, don't assume we mean everything we bring up for consideration, and don't take our word as a final authority. We're talking about conspiracies here; we just might lie.

Welcome to the world of Jude St. James...


AIDS/HIV
1984---Gallo and Montagnier separately isolate AIDS virus. Disagree on origin. Montagnier states origin of virus a mystery. Gallo states virus stems from monkeys, claiming freelance journalist Fettner told him in 1983 that AIDS came from green monkeys in central Africa. Despite the fact that Fettner (in her book The Truth About AIDS) does not refer to green monkeys and states that AIDS began as an American disease, Gallo's explanation becomes the official explanation until a separate group of American scientists claim origin of virus to be chimpanzees (late 1990s).

1978---Government sponsored experimental hepatitis B vaccine distributed in Manhattan. Experimental vaccine was cultured using chimpanzee-based media
1979---First reported incidents AIDS: "immunodeficiency disease" in Manhattan
1979-1980--- Government sponsored experimental hepatitis B vaccine distributed in San Francisco, Los Angeles, Denver, St. Louis, and Chicago
1980---Reports spread to San Francisco, Los Angeles, Denver, St. Louis, and Chicago
1981---Official AIDS epidemic declared in the US
1982---AIDS epidemic declared in Africa

ConspiriThursday

Conspiracy Notes:
Disclaimer: The following information is presented for consideration only. The author assumes no exclusive responsibility for the accuracy of the information (although the attempt has been made to be wholly factual). Unless expressly stated, the author does not necessarily agree with the conclusions implied by the data presented. In other words, this stuff is for you to look at and start researching yourself if it strikes a cord. Don't blame us for what you find, don't assume we mean everything we bring up for consideration, and don't take our word as a final authority. We're talking about conspiracies here; we just might lie.

Welcome to the world of Jude St. James...



Gun Control

1929--USSR implements gun control. 1929-1953--approximately 20 million dissidents executed by the state.

1938--Germany implements gun control. 1939-1945--13 million Jews, gypsies, and others executed by the state.

1935--China implements gun control. 1948-1952--20 million dissidents executed by the state.

You see the pattern, and the above only skims the tip of the iceberg. Gun control can be traced to the execution of around 60 million killed by their own government in purges shortly after it disarms its citizens. And now, the UK wants to outlaw knives. What the heck are they thinking about?

Meanwhile, governments continue to develop weapons designed, not to kill, but to subjegate: Acoustic rifles, microwave rifles, a pulse-wave rifle designed to cause muscle spasms, psychotronic generators, and ultrasound generators. (Of these, ultrasound is the most commonly known to the public since it is already being used productively on a small scale as a surgical tool.)

ConspiriThursday

Disclaimer: The following information is presented for consideration only. The author assumes no exclusive responsibility for the accuracy of the information (although the attempt has been made to be wholly factual). Unless expressly stated, the author does not necessarily agree with the conclusions implied by the data presented. In other words, this stuff is for you to look at and start researching yourself if it strikes a cord. Don't blame us for what you find, don't assume we mean everything we bring up for consideration, and don't take our word as a final authority. We're talking about conspiracies here; we just might lie.

Welcome to the world of Jude St. James...
A few people know that FEMA has constructed approximately 43 primary and over 100 secondary "relocation" facilities to house and constrain refugees from massive natural disasters. Depending on your faith in government this is either completely understandable or more than a little eerie but the power granted to FEMA through recent Executive Orders is a little disturbing.

Executive Order 10995--Authorizes FEMA to seize all communications media in US

Executive Order 10997--Authorizes FEMA to seize all electric poser, petroleum, gas, fuels, and minerals both public and private

Executive Order 10998--Authorizes FEMA to seize all food supplies and resources, public and private, including all farms, lands, and equipment

Executive Order 10999--Authorizes FEMA to seize all means of transport including personal cars, trucks, or vehicles of any kind and total control of all highways, seaports, and waterways

Executive Order 11000--Authorizes the seizure of all American people for federally supervised work forces. If deemed necessary, families may be split up.

Executive Order 11001--Authorizes seizure of all functions of health, education, and welfare

Executive Order 11002--Empowers the postmaster general to conduct a national registration of all persons whereupon families may be separated and members assigned to new areas

Executive Order 11003--Authorizes the take over of all airports and aircraft, commercial, public, and private

Executive Order 11004--Authorizes Housing and Finance Authority to relocate communities, designate areas to be abandoned, and designate new areas to be repopulated

Executive Order 11005--Authorizes seizure of all railroads, inland waterways, and public storage facilities (presumably including their contents)

Executive Order 11051--Activates FEMA's extended powers during times of increased international or domestic tension (beyond the previous limit of natural disasters/emergencies)

Executive Order 12148--Places FEMA in charge during national security emergencies including, not only natural disasters, but also national unrest, insurrection, or national social crisis